When Silence Speaks

By Bella Balisi-Bevilacqua

Last night, out of nowhere, one of my closest, dearest friends who remains single, blurted out in Messenger, saying, “I feel that he likes me, but he never tried reaching out at all. Is that for the best?”

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, so I try to be as optimistic as possible with my answers to questions like this one, but it all depends on how optimistic I can be. There needs to be corroborating circumstances, or at least a ray of sunshine.

Without disclosing further information, I decided to be as logical and rational as I could with my answer. The INFJ-A in me would want to be empathetic, but cold logic was the better approach for the discussion. So, I told her,

“That feeling—when you sense something unspoken, but it never materializes—is such a strange mix of hope and confusion. If he genuinely likes you but hasn’t reached out, it could mean a lot of things: maybe he’s shy, unsure, dealing with his own stuff, or simply not ready. But here’s the thing—when someone genuinely wants to be part of your life, they usually find a way.

So, is it for the best? Maybe. Because silence can be its kind of answer. If you’re left doing all the wondering and waiting, that imbalance can wear you down. You deserve a connection that feels mutual, not mysterious. Still, if it’s weighing on you, there’s no harm in gently opening the door—just enough to see if he steps through. But only if it feels right for you, not because you’re trying to solve a puzzle he won’t help you piece together.

Want to talk through what reaching out might look like—or how to let go of the wondering?”

The Quiet Ache of Uncertainty

The first space created between feeling and inaction is the quiet cry of uncertainty. You sense he likes you. There’s a softness in his gaze, a flicker of attention, maybe even a moment that felt like more. But then—nothing. No message. No effort. Just silence.

It’s easy to get caught in the loop of wondering. Does he care? Is he waiting for me? Should I do something? That emotional limbo can feel like a slow burn, especially when your intuition whispers one thing and his actions say another.

But here’s a truth worth holding onto: When someone wants to be in your life, they usually find a way. Silence, in its own way, is a form of communication. It may not be the one you hoped for, but it’s still an answer.

What Reaching Out Might Look Like

If you’re considering making the first move, it doesn’t have to be dramatic or vulnerable to the point of discomfort. Here are a few gentle ways to open the door:

• A light message: Something casual like “Hey, I was thinking about you—how have you been?” keeps things low-pressure.
• Shared context: Referencing something you both experienced (“Saw that movie you mentioned—finally!”) can reignite a connection without feeling forced.
• Honest curiosity: If you’re feeling brave, you can say, “I’ve been wondering about you. Would love to catch up if you’re open to it.”

But before you reach out, ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want clarity, or because I’m hoping to change the outcome? One is empowering. The other can lead to more heartache.

How to Let Go of the Wondering

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending you didn’t care. It means choosing peace over ambiguity. Here’s how to start:

• Name the feeling: Acknowledge the hope, the disappointment, the confusion. Naming it helps you own it.
• Redirect your energy: Pour your attention into things that nourish you—friends, hobbies, goals. Let your life be whole, even without his presence.
• Reframe the silence: Instead of seeing it as rejection, view it as redirection. His absence is making space for someone who will show up fully.

Your Heart Deserves Clarity

You deserve a connection that doesn’t leave you guessing. Whether you choose to reach out or let go, the most important thing is that you act from a place of self-respect, not fear. If he’s meant to be part of your story, he’ll find his way to you, even if you only met twice at a restaurant he co-owns, and you were almost like an accidental customer. And if not, you’ll have cleared the path for someone who will. Because your heart isn’t a puzzle to be solved—it’s a place to be met. (MBB)